Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Species Nerdus...

A couple years ago, a friend of mine and I were discussing the different types of nerds out there. I came up with binomial nomenclature scheme of the several different types (Linnaeus would be so proud!). I felt it appropriate to share with you. Keep in mind that I either am friends with or married to all of these different species of nerd. As well, you should know that many of these species are interchangable, as they can transform into one or more of the different species at any given time. And there are other types of the Nerdus species, but these are the ones that I've studied extensively in their natural habitat.

(Note: This is best read with a British Accent)

Nerdus draconus
This mouth breathing mammal is a pack animal. Usually found in its natural habitat of its parents' basement, the Nerdus draconus prefers a dark, dank environment. Its diet generally includes, but is not limited to, RC Cola and whatever snacks are left over from the last Dungeons and Dragons campaign. When attacked by a predator, the Nerdus draconus will mostly likely use its plus 3 two handed broad sword and hope to roll a critical hit.

Nerdus mathmatica
The Nerdus mathmatica is a highly intelligent mammal, but has very little strength to fend off natural predators, such as the Jockus bullius. It has a slight physical build and is timid around most, especially the female of any species. A common marking on the Nerdus mathmatica is a pocket protector upon its chest containting several utensils used for writing, as well an electronic device used to perform basic mathmatic operations. This species generally has poor vision and require large corrective eye wear. Should the Nerdus mathmatica be amused, its laughter usually involves snorting. The Nerdus mathmatica's diet generally consists of pi.

Nerdus asiana
Dispite popular belief, the Nerdus asiana did not derive from Asia, but rather it is believed to have originated in North America. The Nerdus asiana has typically never been to the continent of Asia, but tends to enjoy the animation produced there. Usually influenced at a young age by being in an environment that allowed shows such as "Sailor Moon" or "Pokemon" to be viewed, the Nerdus asiana matures into someone who generally does not care what others think of them, due to the fact that they probably realize that everyone else thinks anime is for children. The Nerdus asiana are usually independent, but tend to group together with other Nerdus asiani once or twice a year at an anime convention. .

Nerdus videous gamicus
Like its close relative, Nerdus draconus, the Nerdus videous gamicus also dwells typically in a dark, cool basement. Nocternal by nature, they tend to sleep during the day, usually on the same couch that they use during their video game play. On the off chance the Nerdus videous gamicus finds a mate, the mate will need to either be of the same species or be able to watch hours of video games without complaining; both of which are very rare to find. The diet tends to consist of carbonated beverages and stale potato chips or leftover pizza. The natural predator to the Nerdus videous gamicus is power outages.

Nerdus scientifica
The Nerdus scientifica enjoys all things science fiction and usually fantasy. They can usually be interchangeable with the Nerdus draconus, as they enjoy elements of the table top fantasy games. However, what sets the Nerdus scientifica apart from Nerdus draconus is the fact that their sole purpose in life is to debate the differences between Captain Kirk and Captain Picard. Their ideal mate would be a hot alien chick from Battlestar Galactica, however they will settle for any female species that shows interest. The Nerdus scientifica diet is made up of whatever is quick and easy to eat, since they don't want to miss the latest episode of Dr. Who.

Nerdus sportica
This rare breed of Nerd has boggled the scientific community for years. The Nerdus sportica is athletic, plays several different types of sports and physical activities, but also invests several hours a day in playing videogames, table top role play games, and/or other nerdy things like reading. They are generally well liked by the rest of the humanoid species, however, they tend to keep their Nerdus tendancies secretive, only revealing them to other fellow Nerdi. The Nerdus sportica is predominantly a carnivore, dieting mostly on burgers, steak and any other meat product available. The Nerdus sportica has very few known natural enemies.

There were definitely more species of Nerd. I will have to revise this as more information is collected from research.


  1. You forgot one:

    Nerdus closetica

    This most common form of Nerd can possess a mix of traits from any other species in the Genus. The defining characteristic of Nerdus closetica is that they have yet to embrace their nerdhood. These individuals can often be "nerdophobic", loudly bashing other species of Nerd in the company of others so as to mask their own nerdy tendencies. Others choose a more subtle approach, admitting to a small degree of nerdiness yet insisting it is insignificant compared to that displayed by the other species (they are only "on the cusp of nerdom").

  2. Hmm...I don't believe I know anyone who belongs to this type of nerd. Sounds made up.

  3. Oh, and I realize now that it should technically be "The Genus Nerdus" but it's too late for that.

  4. Nah, species still works if you use it as a plural. But yeah, technically you were wrong. so, so wrong.